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"Mankind deserves Yackerboom"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aliens!  Please be aware!  Captain Jean-Luc Picard is a fictional character, and not a computer generated prediction that humanity is going to evolve into touchy-feely, politically correct, wankers.  Please, please, stop going around castrating bald headed men in an attempt to break the breeding cycle.  Trust the Board, if we see any indication that your fears bear even the slightest chance of coming to pass, California is toast!

 

 

 

An anomily has come to light.  More people believe in God that do in the Tooth Fairy, but the Tooth Fairy is making heaps more money with a 95% markup on second hand baby teeth.  The matter is expected to go arbitration next month.

 

 

 

The Cloning Clinic today announced that they has failed once again to clone Frankie Avalon.  Apparently they just can't get the pompadour right, and are still having trouble getting the hair grease mixture up to speed.  They are also concerned about the reliability of some of their earlier clones.  Their clone of George W Bush (the original subject is still in hiding in Alabama) never worked to any reasonable standard, and now requires 30,000 volts of electricity, administered per rectum, just to do a five minute speech.  The positronic brain never worked, the only software he can run is the old Amiga Mini Golf programme, and he has been operating through a radio shack tape deck inserted in his navel.  How we are expected to win the Clone Wars is beyond us.  The bloody Sith are at unbackable odds.

 

 

Aliens!  Just because politicians and genocide generals are not part of the human race, doesn't automatically qualify them as aliens.  Stop trying to sell memberships to them!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jedi Knights, don't waste your time.  The thermal ports on this website are fully protected and, in any event, do not lead to the main reactor.  Also, the Imperial Stormtroopers patrolling the website have been trained to accurately shoot and kill main characters as well as bit actors.  There are no red shirts here.

 

 

We recommend that our members steer clear of the transporter rooms on this site.  Some of them have been tampered with by the CIA and lead directly to Eye-rack.  The U.S. Military got to get their numbers up somehow.

 

 

 

Semi transparent entities!  Stop jumping out in front of humans and yelling out "Please state the nature of the medical emergency".  Not funny!  Also, aliens, if you see a large breasted woman nearby, don't yell out "Look at the nacells on that one!"  Dead giveaway.

 

 

 

Data is no longer anatomically accurate, and would appreciate anyone finding the missing bit to return it.  It's length is 2 to 4 centimetres, depending upon the ambient temperature.

 

 

 

Would those aliens who 'borrowed' Atlantis all those years ago please return it.  This planet's hippies need somewhere to go and die.  While we're on the subject, the Pillars Of Hercules would look awful nice back where they belong.  Oh, and Flat-earthers!  Stop feeding the damn turtle!

 

 

 

Aliens!  Warning!  If you are ill, DO NOT go to Dr. McCoy!  He really is a blacksmith, not a doctor!

 

 

 

Scotty's beaming has been a bit off, lately, so if you'd rather not have your left leg growing out of your forehead, we suggest you get the bus.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Starship 'Political Correctness' is on it's way back from the Delta Quadrant.  As the Alpha Quadrant has been declared a Captain Janeway Free Zone, you are authorised to bomb the crap out of it.

 

 

 

Our organisation still has a few temporal anomolies available for hire.  Those time loops are great when you activate them just after great sex.  We have also developed a sentient vibrator that remakes the bed afterwards.

 

 

 

Tree-like entities, take note!  You only have to drop your leaves in autumn in the northern hemisphere.  Drop them in the south and you'll be firewood before you know it.  Oh, and when the tree huggers come on to you, don't hug them back.  They end up with splinters in some pretty weird places!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Orang-Utangs of Sumatra, an endangered species, have hired a regiment of Wookie Special Forces to take their place in the rainforests.  Should give those loggers a bit of hurry up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Politicians and Neocons!  We are the Borg!  You will be assimilated!  We will add your distinctive lies and chicanery to our own!  Resistance is futile!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sadists and Sociopaths!  Too young to have been an SS man?  The Lime Beer Liberation Army are hiring!  We do things that Heinrich Himmler would have found distasteful!  Our main aim is to get the world's children addicted to our verdant sludge, and get all their pocket money - two main aims.  After five years service, you will be regarded as a fully fledged member of Neocondom, ready to become a laptop commando sending soldiers off to die whilst you sit in your nice, safe office.  Serve ten years, and you qualify for the Christian Right, with a valid televangelist license.  Do the full twenty years, and you get to join the Fux Spews Chunder Punditocracy, the dream of every utter bastard

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aliens are requested not to lower their shields if they are not wearing underwear. 

 

 

Double negatives rule, O.K.?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Those of you planning a vacation to the Dagobar system this year, please keep a lookout for short arsed 800 years old retired jedi masters.  They are stealing spare parts again.  Incomplete their honesty is.

 

 

 

Duck Dodgers and Marvin the Martian are undertaking a lecture tour again this year.  The subject for discussion this time around is "Cartoon Characters In Space And The Coriollis Effect - How To Make Your Balls Hang Straight".

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The poor jokes and bad puns on this website are now fully armed and operational, so please do not read them aloud unless shielded by a blast door.  Neocons and religious righters!  Read away!

 

 

 

Aliens!  Only 365,921,660,555,192,384,664,114,918,456,998,114,333,762,881,776,540 more shopping days until the Big Crunch.  Don't leave things until the last minute!  You can't blame everything on the Bossa Nova, you know.

 

 

The electrical banana is reportedly looking forward to being the very next phase, but still is not mad about saffron, even with the wind velocity nil.  Just remember the intergalactic laxative and everything will be the colour of havana lake.  And we thought that nobody loved Lalenia.

 

 

Eric Burdon and the New New New New New Animals will be performing live here later this evening.

 

 

The Four Aces have reformed, but nobody is entirely sure why.

 

 

The Bay City Rollers have NOT reformed, and everybody knows why.

 

 

 

 

 

A recent survey has shown that 98.75% of Klingons working on this planet exclusively watch the Fux Spews Chunder, and make up 99.9% of that organisations viewers.  There are currently eight Klingons working here, mostly in Eye-rack as Foreign Fighters.

 

 

 

Another survey has shown that, of the over six million different languages spoken by aliens working here, not one of those languages has a word for Bill O'Reilly.

 

 

 

The blast marks on this website are so precise, they could only have been made by friendly fire.

 

 

 

Unfortunately for you visitors, this website is far too small to have a cloaking device.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright (C) 2006-2008 Brian Brett.  All rights reserved.


 


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