"Have faith in Yackerboom"

Aliens!  The Pope is offering $500 per head per week for us guys to stay out of the sight of humans.  Apparently we are bad for business.

ADV:  Have you been on this planet too long?  Has it changed you?  When you travel about space, do you feel that something is missing?  We have the answer!  Soundtrack music!  If travelling through the void no longer does it on it's own, you need that background, quasi-classical, music to go with it, just like in human movies!  Visit Theme Music To Go on the internet, and your troubles are at an end!  If you really have been 'sound effect' brainwashed, we have a special deal on foley artists!  No job too small!  We can also do noisy explosions in the vacuum of space, if that's your thing.

The Cloning Clinic has released a new version of the Annette Funicello clone, guaranteed to contain 50% less cutie pie goodness than the original model, which caused so much havoc with diabetics.  They are also working on the new Jane Fonda clone, which is designed not to lean to the left anywhere near as much.

The new model in the Marvin android series, the George W, has a brain the size of a pea and couldn't be trusted to work in a car park.

Glop Haedkcid, our favourite pan-dimensional entity, has completed an investigation of the 2,317,698 alternate realities in which there is a George W Bush, and found out that he has screwed up in all but one of them.  In that one, there was never an Alabama for him to hide in, and he is doing 99999 years to life for desertion.

Aliens!  Avoid Federation transporters!  They are using Windows Vista as the operating system and you are liable to be overwritten at any time.

Kevin Rudd, Australian Prime Minister, unincumbered by such things as an observable personality, has been found in university supervised tests to be 78% more effective than valium.

Today is the tenth anniversary of that glorious day when the Black Oily Entity offed Lieutenant Yar.  It is a time of great joy and celebration.  Anybody who tries to bring her back via temporal anomilies or alternate universes, commits a capital offence on at least 1.5 million star systems.

Calamity and Homo, those lovable propagandists from the Fux Spews Chunder, have just returned from training on the planet Nocoen 666, qualifying in Advanced Laptop Bombadiering, Level 4 Urging People Be Put At Risk Of Life And Limb Whilst Staying Safe And Cozy, Level 3 Bloodlust, Presidential Bootlicking VI, and Jihadding For Jesus For Real Dummies.  All the need now is a recommendation from Darth Dickless Cheney, and they will be fully qualified Utter Bastards.  That's progress for you.

George W Bush is going to continue his education when he leaves office, and to that end has re-enrolled in his local kindergarten.  He hopes to graduate this time around.

Former members of the Obsidian Order!  The Anti Piracy Gestapo are hiring!  You could be suing the living crap out of some 9 year old child by this time next week!

The artist formerly known as Prince, Gobbledeegook Symbolthingy, wants all mention of himself removed from the internet.  No problem.

Aliens, please note:  King George the Dubberyar is NOT an alien, even if he looks and talks like one.  He is not human, either, but that is another story entirely.

Plutonians are protesting at the downgrading of their planet.  They claim size isn't everything, stating that George W Bush's brain is the size of an emaciated pea, but is still called a brain

The Society For Remembering Donald Rumsfeld has disbanded, as none of the membership can remember who he was.

As far as Coh-lynn Powell is concerned, even he doesn't remember who he was.

Doctor Who and his best friend, Doctor What-The-F***, are having a well earned break from all that Time Lording thing.  They arrived on Earth in their Timeship, which looks just like an ordinary Buckingham Palace on the outside, but when you go inside it is as big as a police call box.  Anyway, lock up your extra long scarves for the duration.

HAL is here on holidays as well, tired out from all that pod bay door opening.  Don't forget, the cunning bastard can lip read, so, please, no snide comments if you see him cruising the red light areas trying to pick up a toaster for the night.  And for pete's sake, don't ask him to sing!

Dickless Cheney has announced that he will not be taking on any Sith apprentices this year.

See the new, very original, sci-fi flick, The Seven Magnificent Samurai Battle Beyond The Stars, at your local cinema.  Guaranteed John Saxon and Robert Vaughn free.

Klingons!  Cardassians!  The Anti Smoking Nazis are hiring!

God has stated that he will not be attending any more Presidential Prayer Breakfasts, as he is sick of the whining clod that runs them.  He said that if humans are going to elect drongos like that, he would rather manage a McDonalds outlet and let some other poor prat be omnipotent.

ADV:  Politicians letting you down?  Your local President has the personality of a slug and the brains of a garden gnome?  Then buy one of our Smart Bombs and let it run your country.  They are not that smart, well, pretty dumb really, but still streets ahead of politicians, and they hardly take bribes or visit brothels at all.  And they always finish what they set out to do.

ADV:  Neocons!  Warmongers!  Running out of cash because of all those needless wars you have started?  The Divine Treasury is lending now!  Good rates!  Slug juice optional!

Donald Duck, convicted nephew molester, now known as Darth Quackers, has developed some Neocon cartoons for airing on the Cartoon Channel, where most of the viewers (around 99.9%) that have deserted the Fux Spews Chunder are now hanging out.  There will not be any wolves in these cartoons, as Bigbad and Li'l Bad are now peace activists for Anti War Inc.  The Neocons are safe from the wolves anyway, living with the Three Little Pigs (not so little now they have discovered junk food) in the House Of Pricks.

Invading Eye-rack has turned out to be very good for Prophets!

Copyright (C) 2006-2008 Brian Brett.  All rights reserved.

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