"Have faith in Yackerboom"
Aliens! The Pope is offering $500 per head
per week for us guys to stay out of the sight of humans. Apparently
we are bad for business.
ADV: Have you been on this planet too
long? Has it changed you? When you travel about space, do you feel
that something is missing? We have the answer! Soundtrack
music! If travelling through the void no longer does it on it's own, you
need that background, quasi-classical, music to go with it, just like in human
movies! Visit Theme Music To Go on the internet, and your troubles are at an
end! If you really have been 'sound effect' brainwashed, we have a special
deal on foley artists! No job too small! We can also do noisy
explosions in the vacuum of space, if that's your thing.
The Cloning Clinic has released a new version of
the Annette Funicello clone, guaranteed to contain 50% less cutie pie goodness
than the original model, which caused so much havoc with diabetics. They
are also working on the new Jane Fonda clone, which is designed not to lean to
the left anywhere near as much.
The new model in the Marvin android series, the
George W, has a brain the size of a pea and couldn't be trusted to work in a car
Glop Haedkcid, our favourite pan-dimensional
entity, has completed an investigation of the 2,317,698 alternate realities in
which there is a George W Bush, and found out that he has screwed up in all but
one of them. In that one, there was never an Alabama for him to hide in,
and he is doing 99999 years to life for desertion.
Aliens! Avoid Federation transporters!
They are using Windows Vista as the operating system and you are liable to be
overwritten at any time.
Kevin Rudd, Australian Prime
Minister, unincumbered by such things as an observable personality, has
been found in university supervised tests to be 78% more effective than
Today is the tenth anniversary of that glorious
day when the Black Oily Entity offed Lieutenant Yar. It is a time of
great joy and celebration. Anybody who tries to bring her back via
temporal anomilies or alternate universes, commits a capital offence on at least
1.5 million star systems.
Calamity and Homo, those lovable propagandists from
the Fux Spews
Chunder, have just returned from training on the planet Nocoen 666,
qualifying in Advanced Laptop Bombadiering, Level 4 Urging People Be Put At Risk
Of Life And Limb Whilst Staying Safe And Cozy, Level 3 Bloodlust, Presidential
Bootlicking VI, and Jihadding For Jesus For Real Dummies. All the need now
is a recommendation from Darth Dickless Cheney, and they will be fully qualified
Utter Bastards. That's progress for you.
George W Bush is going to continue his education
when he leaves office, and to that end has re-enrolled in his local
kindergarten. He hopes to graduate this time around.
Former members of the Obsidian Order! The
Anti Piracy Gestapo are hiring! You could be suing the living crap out of
some 9 year old child by this time next week!
The artist formerly known as Prince, Gobbledeegook
Symbolthingy, wants all mention of himself removed from the internet. No
Aliens, please note: King George the
Dubberyar is NOT an alien, even if he looks and talks like one. He is not
human, either, but that is another story entirely.
Plutonians are protesting at the downgrading of
their planet. They claim size isn't everything, stating that George W
Bush's brain is the size of an emaciated pea, but is still called a
The Society For Remembering Donald Rumsfeld has
disbanded, as none of the membership can remember who he was.
As far as Coh-lynn Powell is concerned, even he
doesn't remember who he was.
Doctor Who and his best friend, Doctor
What-The-F***, are having a well earned break from all that Time Lording
thing. They arrived on Earth in their Timeship, which looks just like an
ordinary Buckingham Palace on the outside, but when you go inside it is as big
as a police call box. Anyway, lock up your extra long scarves for the
HAL is here on holidays as well, tired out from all
that pod bay door opening. Don't forget, the cunning bastard can lip read,
so, please, no snide comments if you see him cruising the red light areas trying
to pick up a toaster for the night. And for pete's sake, don't ask him to
Dickless Cheney has announced that he will not be
taking on any Sith apprentices this year.
See the new, very original, sci-fi flick, The Seven
Magnificent Samurai Battle Beyond The Stars, at your local cinema.
Guaranteed John Saxon and Robert Vaughn free.
Klingons! Cardassians! The Anti Smoking
Nazis are hiring!
God has stated that he will not be attending any
more Presidential Prayer Breakfasts, as he is sick of the whining clod that runs
them. He said that if humans are going to elect drongos like that, he
would rather manage a McDonalds outlet and let some other poor prat be
ADV: Politicians letting you down? Your
local President has the personality of a slug and the brains of a garden
gnome? Then buy one of our Smart Bombs and let it run your country.
They are not that smart, well, pretty dumb really, but still streets ahead of
politicians, and they hardly take bribes or visit brothels at all. And
they always finish what they set out to do.
ADV: Neocons! Warmongers! Running
out of cash because of all those needless wars you have started? The
Divine Treasury is lending now! Good rates! Slug juice
Donald Duck, convicted nephew molester, now known
as Darth Quackers, has developed some Neocon cartoons for airing on the Cartoon
Channel, where most of the viewers (around 99.9%) that have deserted the Fux
Spews Chunder are now hanging out. There will not be any wolves in these
cartoons, as Bigbad and Li'l Bad are now peace activists for Anti War Inc. The Neocons
are safe from the wolves anyway, living with the Three Little Pigs (not so
little now they have discovered junk food) in the House Of Pricks.
Invading Eye-rack has turned out to be very good
Copyright (C) 2006-2008 Brian Brett. All rights
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