"Me and you and our Yackerboom"
O Yackerboom, O Yackerboom
The storm before the calm
We often wonder how and why
There's hair upon your palm
A beginning is a very delicate time
Know then that it is the year two thousand and
The known universe is ruled by His Wankership, The
Uncle, cousin, brother, grandfather, and possibly
The most precious thing in the universe is a
Farting expands sphincters
Farting extends turds
Farting causes the greenhouse effect
Farting creates politicians
Who have mutated over thousands of years
The fart is found on only one planet in the
A silly, desolate, smelly planet called
Also known as...........Neocondom
As spoken by The Holy Webmaster during his Sermon
On The Anthill in the Year Of Our Yackerboom, 666.
"If you are thinking of changing your Deity, you
can't get better than my old chum Yackerboom" - Baal (ret'd)
"If you are going to have a God before me,
Yackerboom is the ideal choice" - J.C.
"The Yackerboom is the God that will get top dollar
for your soul, or double your money back" - Satan
"At last, a God who approves of my sanctions
against Iraq" - Madeleine 'Notat' Albright
"Thank heavens idolatry is back! It has been
a very lean couple of millennia. This guy loves his statues" - Federated
Statue, Lucky Charm, Miscellaneous Idolatry Supporters, and Graven Image
"Just in time! Peace was about to break out"
- Various Genocide Generals
"It depends what you mean by worship" - Bill
Clinton, War Criminal (ret'd)
"The Yackerboom's Heaven is ten times worse than
Hell! You can't lose! It's party time!" - Dante
"My role model" - Josef Stalin
"Mine too" - Adolph Hitler
"Taught me everything I don't know, which is
everything" - George Dubberyar Bush, War Criminal (ret'd too late), and Chief Of
Recruitment, Al Qaeda
"The patron saint of us liars" - Tony Blair, War
Criminal and Combat Catholic
"Takes care of us runners and hiders" - Summa Bed
Welcome to the Earthly Abode of His Wankership,
Lord Yackerboom, the best God that
money can buy. If you are into sex, drugs, and rock and roll, instead of
all that fasting, kneeling, and praising stuff, then He is your Deity.
Together with his Chief Profit, The Most Regurgitated and Unpunctual Holy
Webmaster, his driver and bag man, The Most Bolshevik
and Bent Hooded Terror, and sundry Dark
Lords and Grand
Moffs, he walks amongst us, to protect us from eternal
damnation and televangelists, but mainly, in hope of getting a little
Has your God left the universe in disgust?
Try one of ours!
And it came to pass that the misbegotten was begat,
and the Yackerboom did
cry out, that it was party time. And he gathered unto himself the others
of His Unholy Trinity, the Holy
Webmaster and The
Hooded Terror, and together they went from that place
unto another place. And he saw that it was all good, except for one bit
that was full of rare, exotic, and endangered species. And killeth he
they, and built upon their graves a McDonalds outlet, so that all may enjoy the
plastic hamburgers and freedom fries.
All religions have rules. Some of the popular
ones have ten or so, which makes it hard to cover everything, and leaves
loopholes so big that even King George the Dubberyar, Heir Apparant to the
Pissant Throne, can find them. Not wishing to give lawyers any room to
move, and also to keep His bureaucracy and secret police busy, He has come up
with the following regulations.
1. Covet everything. Thou never know when
thou might get lucky.
2. Thou shalt never log in as root.
3. Thou shall not tip.
4. Honour thy Canada and thy Mexico, that
they may sheltereth thee in the times of the draft.
5. Thy will be done. Never die
6. Thou shalt not steal what thou cannot
7. Learn thy Fabian songbook by rote, for the tone
deaf shalt inherit the Earth.
8. Eat not the juice of the curry, for toilet rolls
have feelings also.
9. Repealed - the Dodo is extinct.
10. When thou doth pray to Holy Yackerboom, thou
shalt NOT reverse the charges.
11. Ask not how to get into His good graces,
rather, how HE can get into your pants.
12. Thou shalt honour, and lust after, Annette
Funicello, at every waking moment.
13. Thou shalt gather together all prostitutes, and
subjecteth them all to penile servitude.
14. Thou shalt change as many regimes as thou
canst, for the greater glory of The Yackerboom and the oil
15. Thou shalt only bear false witness if thou art
running for political office.
16. Repealed - Satan doesn't care
Aliens from super-dense planets. The low
gravity on this planet is YOUR responsibility! Do not complain to us about
your undescended testicles! If they don't drop, try jumping up and down,
but DO NOT COMPLAIN TO US!
Copyright (C) 2006-2008 Brian Brett. All rights
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